The 50 Ugliest Haircuts in NBA History

Intro

Football players have helmets, baseball players have fitteds. Basketball players? Nothing. They hit the court with their noggins uncovered for the world to see. NBA players also have a lot of money, spare time on their hands, and, judging by the images in this list, some of the worst hairstylists on this or any other planet. We've got mullets, we're got jheri curls, we've got bad corn rows, we've got white people corn rows, we've got just about every hideous 'do you can imagine. These are the 50 Ugliest Haircuts in NBA History...

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Darko Milicic's Bad Start

50. Darko Milicic's Bad Start

Lifespan: 2003
Reminds Us Of: Nick Carter

Darko Milicic, the league's favorite punch line, has had far from a charmed career. Of course he brought much of this mockery upon himself and this cut is a perfect example. Upon joining the Pistons as the 2nd pick of the 2004 draft, Darko dyed his hair blond, making him look more like a member of the Backstreet Boys than the Bad Boys. Both the hair and his time in Detroit didn't last long. Things never did get any brighter for ol Darko either.

Chris Mullin's Flattop

49. Chris Mullin's Flattop

Lifespan: 1985-2001
Reminds Us Of: Guile from Street Fighter

The pride of St. John's was known as one of the league's sharpest shooters and most dangerous scorers for years. But almost twenty years after entering the league, long retired and now in the Hall of Fame, Mully still has that same cut. High and tight. We can't ever tell if he'll tell us to drop and give him fifty pushups or throw a sonic boom.

Reggie Theus' Shurl

48. Reggie Theus' Shurl

Lifespan: 1983-1989
Reminds Us Of: Darryl Jenks from Coming to America

Though they weren't much in those days, Reggie Theus was still the most popular Bull in Chicago; reportedly a silky smooth scorer both on and off the court. That is until a new Prince of the city arrived, stealing all the fanfare and probably a few of the ladies too. Sound familiar? Because it certainly looks that way. Too bad Reggie didn't have the Soul Glo empire to fall back on…

Shane Battier's Skin Rows

47. Shane Battier's Skin Rows

Lifespan: 2003-Present
Reminds Us Of: A sharpei

A head isn't exactly a haircut, but that's exactly why Shane never should have cut his off. A loyal teammate, an intimidating defensive presence, and one of the game's most critical thinkers, Battier might have more in common with one of these pups than he'd like to admit.

Scott Skiles' Sideline Hairline

46. Scott Skiles' Sideline Hairline

Lifespan: 1990-1996
Reminds Us Of: The ozone layer

The average fan may not know that fiery personality patrolling the sidelines in Milwaukee holds the league record for assists in a game. In fact, Scott Skiles displayed the same temperament when running point for the Orlando Magic way back when. We wonder what he was so angry about? Actually, no we don't.

Anthony Mason's Out of Ideas

45. Anthony Mason's Out of Ideas

Lifespan: 1995
Reminds Us Of: Um, his jersey?

Second only to Charles Oakley as New York's most feared enforcer, Mase was known for his cuts, etching everything from inspirational slogans to words of intimidation in his dome. But sometimes even the most creative mind comes up dry. We know you play for the Knicks, Ant. It's on your jersey. Did you really need to carve it in the side of your head too?

Mike Miller's Headband

44. Mike Miller's Headband

Lifespan: 2008
Reminds Us Of: Pick a WNBA player. Any WNBA player

When he's not injured, Mike Miller can be one hell of an NBA player. When he is injured, he spends his time coaching women's volleyball at the YMCA.

Granville Waiter's Movin On Up

43. Granville Waiter's Movin On Up

Lifespan: 1983-1988
Reminds Us Of: George Jefferson

Granville had a very modest NBA career, lasting only five seasons with meager averages of two points and two rebounds per game. But having wisely avoided the perils of the nightlife and keeping a close watch on his finances, he did save enough of his earning to open a dry cleaners with his wife, Louise, and move to a deeeeeeluxe apartment in the skyyyyyyy…

Anderson Varejao Just Being Himself

42. Anderson Varejao Just Being Himself

Lifespan: 2004-Present
Reminds Us Of: Sideshow Bob

We're certainly not the first to say it, but that doesn't make it any less true. With his constant flopping and animated expressions, Cleveland's Anderson Varejao already bears enough resemblance to a cartoon character. But then there's that untamed mane, drawing a direct comparison to Springfield's own Sideshow Bob. If only there were an opponent similar to Bart Simpson to drop an anvil on his head…

Shaun Livingston's Afro

41. Shaun Livingston's Afro

Lifespan: 2004
Reminds Us Of: A q-tip

After being drafted 4th overall in 2004, Shaun Livingston played three seasons with the Clippers before suffering a gruesome kneee injury that many assumed would end his career. But with determination and plenty of hard work, Shaun returned in 2008 with the Miami Heat, presumably grateful he wouldn't have to return to his old job cleaning wax out of people's ears.

Drew Gooden's Face Braids

40. Drew Gooden's Face Braids

Lifespan: 2009
Reminds Us Of: W.C.

Playing alongside LeBron James four seasons drew more attention than Gooden was accustomed to and he used the spotlight to establish himself as one of the league's quirkiest personalities. His slew of shenanigans were ultimately highlighted by an inexplicable beard growing contest with then Wizard, DeShawn Stevenson. Gooden stuck to the bet long enough to twist these ghastly braids, complemented by an unsightly rat tail on the back of his head. You might be wondering who won the contest, but stop and look at that thing again. Now ask yourself: Were there really any winners?

Rony Turiaf's Sho Nuff Mess

39. Rony Turiaf's Sho Nuff Mess

Lifespan: 2008
Reminds Us Of: The Shogun of Harlem

Rony was nothing if not the Lakeshow's most energetic player off the bench during his stint in L.A. But the only glow he should've felt was one of embarrassment for this shameful 'do. Is this the silliest, most unnecessary thing he could've done with an unkempt mane and a headband? Sho nuff!

Kenny Skywalker's 2 Hype

38. Kenny Skywalker's 2 Hype

Lifespan: 1989
Reminds Us Of: Christopher 'Kid' Reid

Kenny is widely known for winning the 1989 Dunk Contest, but shortly after his career was cut short by knee injuries that forced him to make children's rap songs and Saturday morning cartoons.

Reggie Miller's Awkward Fade

37. Reggie Miller's Awkward Fade

Lifespan: 1991-1992
Reminds Us Of: Pokey

Leave it to Bobby Clown here to fuck up a fashion statement. Not quite asymmetrical enough to be a Gumby, yet too unbalanced to be a proper fade, Reggie's lining left us with no choice but to relegate him to a sidekick role.

Lenny Wilkens' Natural

36. Lenny Wilkens' Natural

Lifespan: 1980
Reminds Us Of: Billy Crystal

Yes, Lenny, you're the second winningest coach in NBA history and you were even a hell of a point guard back in your Seattle days. Just don't get any ideas about hosting the Oscars.

Kendall Gill's Weave

35. Kendall Gill's Weave

Lifespan: 2002-2003
Reminds Us Of: Shenehneh

Oh muh gudness!”

Nate Thurmond's Unfinished Business

34. Nate Thurmond's Unfinished Business

Lifespan: 1972-1977
Reminds Us Of: A turtleneck

Second only to Wilt Chamberlain and Bill Russell amongst the centers of his era, Nate Thurmond was a hell of a basketball player. One of the 50 Greatest, in fact. Now imagine how good he would've been if he ever finished putting on that sweater.

Clyde Drexler's 'Won't Get A' Haircut

33. Clyde Drexler's 'Won't Get A' Haircut

Lifespan: 1989-1995
Reminds Us Of: Our neighbor's lawn

Clyde Drexler spent his whole career compared to Michael Jordan. But if he really wanted to be like Mike he would've busted out a razor. You see, MJ's hairline started fading away long before he did, so he shaved his head and ended up starting a trend. Clyde, however, held on to his thinning follicles for far too long, leaving a few lonely patches of hair on his head. He fell short of a title twice along the way, in both '90 and '92, but when he finally embraced his baldness in '95? Championship. Coincidence? We think not. Well, teaming up with Hakeem probably helped too…

Rik Smits Doesn't Have Cancer

32. Rik Smits Doesn't Have Cancer

Lifespan: 1998
Reminds Us Of: Bull from Night Court

Before another grueling playoff run, the 1998 Indiana Pacers decided to shave their heads in a show of team unity. Unfortunately, it only left their starting center looking like a member of the team from Night Court. No one was held in contempt, but they should've been.

J.R. Reid 'Play' Cut

31. J.R. Reid 'Play' Cut

Lifespan: 1994-1996
Reminds Us Of: Tracy Chapman

Drafted 5th overall by Charlotte in the '89 Draft, Reid's high stock was attributed by some to his UNC lineage. But most figured the Hornets just wanted him to perform 'Fast Car' every night at halftime...

Birdman's Nest

30. Birdman's Nest

Lifespan: 2006-Present
Reminds Us Of: Mary from There's Something About Mary

Chris Andersen, AKA The Birdman is known for three things: Defense, lots of tattoos and crazy hairstyles. But seeing as his renowned fauxhawk reminds us a little too much of Cameron Diaz's role in There's Something About Mary, we don't want to know what's holding that thing together.

Sam Perkins' Braids

29. Sam Perkins' Braids

Lifespan: 1998-2000
Reminds Us Of: Whole Foods

Once Allen Iverson made them popular, several NBA players jumped on the braided bandwagon in the late 90's. Of course, most of those players were in their twenties, not 14-year veterans like Sam Perkins. Hey, Smooth. There's a reason guys that age don't get their hair braided. We haven't seen rows that far apart since our last trip to the supermarket.

A.C. Green's Curl

28. A.C. Green's Curl

Lifespan: 1985-1990
Reminds Us Of: Doughboy from Boyz N tha Hood

The first thing that comes to mind when we think A.C. Green is virginity. Showtime's starting forward was a devout Christian committed to saving himself for marriage. Now there's nothing wrong with that, and it's actually almost admirable. However, we can't help but wonder if he kept that jheri curl for so long just to keep temptation—and the ladies—away. It certainly didn't endear him to his teammates. Magic Johnson remembers a particularly, um, "active" practice with A.C. "He once got so much grease on the balls that Pat Riley had to call off practice!"

Jack Sikma's Permanent Problem

27. Jack Sikma's Permanent Problem

Lifespan: 1982-1987
Reminds Us Of: Ramen Noodles

Jack Sikma achieved plenty during his NBA career: seven All-Star games, two rebounding titles, and a championship ring with the '79 Sonics. But he's most proud of his post retirement career providing cheap and easily prepared snacks for college students on the go.

Steve Nash's Mop Top

26. Steve Nash's Mop Top

Lifespan: 2003-2007 / 2009-Present
Reminds Us Of: A Drake song

Steve always looks like he just got out the shower. And we're so Not Proud of Him.

Lamar Odom's Not At All Star

25. Lamar Odom's Not At All-Star

Lifespan: 2007
Reminds Us Of: Birdman

As a 6'10 do-it-all forward, Lamar Odom is unquestionably one of the league's most talented players. However some wish he were a bit more assertive, and that's exactly what Lamar tried to do in pumping himself up with this cut. Starting with the original star, Odom intended to add another every month until he made his first All-Star team. Seeing as he still hasn't been selected, his head should look like the Milky Way by now, right?

Dennis Rodman's First Dye

24. Dennis Rodman's First Dye

Lifespan: 1993-1994
Reminds Us Of: An old sponge

Dennis definitely knows hair and has ushered in some of the most innovative styles we've seen. But everyone has to start somewhere, and this was a place we're glad he didn't return. Those shaved sides and narrow blond top? A little too much like a sponge for our taste. If the Spurs really wanted Rodman to clean his act up, they could've started by turning him upside down.

Jason Kidd's Blonde Hair

23. Jason Kidd's Blonde Hair

Lifespan: 2000
Reminds Us Of: A shag carpet

Does he shampoo with Head & Shoulders or a Regina Steemer?

Ron Artest's Golden Ceasar

22. Ron Artest's Golden Ceasar

Lifespan: 2010
Reminds Us Of: Sisqo

Only Ron Artest could come up with something like this. Supposedly an effort to motivate himself during a nationally televised matchup with the Magic, Ron dyed his hair blonde and had "defense" in Hebrew pasted on his skull. Not that the guy ever had a problem taking himself too seriously, but this was a stretch even for him. Surely there were few confused fans in the stands and at home wondering when Sisqo had converted to Kaballah.

Danny Fortson's Pigtails

21. Danny Fortson's Pigtails

Lifespan: 2006-2007
Reminds Us Of: Raggedy Ann

At 6'7, 260, Danny was a physical player, gathering more than his share of fines and technical fouls in a Sonics uniform. But we're not sure if this mess of a haircut was an attempt to appear more friendly or ferocious. Neither worked. We hope he found Andy though.

Larry Bird's Mullet

20. Larry Bird's Mullet

Lifespan: 1986
Reminds Us Of: Michael Bolton

As a card carrying Knicks fan, Spike Lee made his distaste for Larry Bird known at every given opportunity. Now could his animosity have stemmed from more than that? Knowing Spike, there's no way to tell, but it sure was funny. In his 1986 breakout film, She's Gotta Have It, our old friend Mars Blackmon finds himself in an argument with one of his crush's suitors about Bird. “The white boy's bad and you've gotta give him credit. Larry Bird is the best player in the NBA.” A shocked Mars can only respond, “The best?! He's the ugliest motherfucker in the NBA!” We're not sure if Larry took exception to that, but looking at that golden mullet, he sure as hell didn't do much to fight it.

Rick Barry's Gone Peanuts

19. Rick Barry's Gone Peanuts

Lifespan: 1975
Reminds Us Of: Marcie

To put it mildly, Rick Barry has always been a bit of a prick. He spent his entire career ruffling feathers without much regard for what others thought of him. Upon retirement he even took his act to the broadcast booth to get a few more shots in. Of course no one knows if this was all just gamesmanship or his way of getting over that breakup with Peppermint Patty.

Keith Van Horn's First Haircut

18. Keith Van Horn's First Haircut

Lifespan: 1997
Reminds Us Of: Opie

Andy and Aunt Bea were proud of their boy and wished him well. But secretly, they were worried about how he'd fare in the big city all by himself...

Andrei Kirelenko's Way Too Relaxed

17. Andrei Kirelenko's Way Too Relaxed

Lifespan: 2010
Reminds Us Of: He-Man

Not that we'd want any beef with the guy, but for someone nicknamed AK-47, it's as if Andrei Kirelenko was dedicated to spending his entire career tearing down Russian stereotypes. A tough and hardened people? Not this guy. Andrei cried on the bench during a lackluster playoff performance, failed to take advantage of a free pass to cheat from his wife and recently topped it off with…this. By the power of Grayskull, dude. Get it together.

Deron Williams' Plastic Hair

16. Deron Williams' Plastic Hair

Lifespan: 2009-Present
Reminds Us Of: Al B. Sure

Sometime around 2007, Deron Williams began to develop a noticeable bald spot. Then all of a sudden, in 2009 it was gone. Rogaine? Just For Men? Nah. His hair was much darker and um, shiner. Simonizing? Maybe. Whatever it was, it became progressively harder and flashier. But his game did too, so he could sleep with his head in a vat of Murray's for all Brooklyn cares, just keep it up.

Andre Miller's Afro Puffs

15. Andre Miller's Afro Puffs

Lifespan: 2009
Reminds Us Of: Niobe from The Matrix

We love Jada Pinkett too, Dre. But not that much.

Moochie Norris' Blowout

14. Moochie Norris' Blowout

Lifespan: 2002
Reminds Us Of: Pig Pen

Norris, a shooting guard from Washington D.C., spent his career as a journeyman, playing with four teams in eight years, including multiple dalliances with the Knicks and Rockets. The source of Norris' series of trades was reportedly his inability to stay clean. No, not drugs. The kid literally just couldn't stay clean no matter how hard he tried. This inescapable filth led to frequent bouts with insomnia, a problem he eventually conquered with his drum set and late nights with his old friend, Charlie Brown.

Michael Beasley's Blowout

13. Michael Beasley's Blowout

Lifespan: 2010
Reminds Us Of: Detroit Red

Remember when Malcolm Little was trapped in the bowels of a Massachusetts penitentiary? Ragged, strung out and unrecognizable? Yeah....

Vladmir Radmonvic's ????

12. Vladmir Radmonvic's ????

Lifespan: 2005
Reminds Us Of: Kris Kross

Former Sonic Vlad Rad taped his hair back in the middle of a 2005 playoff series with the Kings. He says it wasn't to make a fashion statement, but to "keep the hair out of my eyes." Now granted, he played relatively well once his vision was clear, but this still begs the obvious: Why not just get a fucking haircut?!

Elgin Baylor's Chopped & Combed

11. Elgin Baylor's Chopped & Combed

Lifespan: 1971
Reminds Us Of: A helmet

Elgin Baylor originated flight in the NBA, captivating fans with his acrobatics for years while capturing a mantle full of awards. But for all his accolades, Baylor was ultimately unsatisfied with his career, wishing he'd pursued his first love, football. Despite his talent, Baylor's mother forbid him from playing the sport, all too familiar with its dangers. "I may not be able to play, mama." Baylor said. "But the game will always be on my mind."

World B. Free's Missing Hairline

10. World B. Free's Missing Hairline

Lifespan: 1980-1988
Reminds Us Of: A sunset

Philly legend or not, you really have to wonder how many times this guy's barber tried to stage an intervention.

Dwyane Schintizus' Magnificent Mullet

9. Dwyane Schintzius' Magnificent Mullet

Lifespan: 1990-92
Reminds Us Of: Joe Dirt

The mother, um, father, er, whatever of all mullets.

Scottie Pippen's Skin Rows

8. Scottie Pippen's Skin Rows

Lifespan: 1994
Reminds Us Of: An accordion

If you put your mind to it, you can be the best player ever, Scottie. Pippen held on to those words from his elementary music teacher a little too tightly.

Michael Cage's Curl

7. Michael Cage's Curl

Lifespan: 1984-1994
Reminds Us Of: MC Gusto

"Daaaaaaaamn!" -Michael Jackson, Eazy-E, Ice Cube, Deion Sanders & Jules Winfield

Andrew Bogut's Rat Tail

6. Andrew Bogut's Rat Tail

Lifespan: 2007
Reminds Us Of: Light Bulb

From the front, it seems pretty harmless. Just another guy doing his best Curly impersonation. But then you see the rat tail. Coming out of the middle of his head. Though it does remind us of the pull chain we're always fumbling around for in our dark basements, it could be that Bogut was going for the Anakin Skywalker look. Or maybe he wanted to be the 100th Luftaballon. Bogut got into hot water that summer for some controversial comments about the NBA's "bling bling" (people still say that?) lifestyle, but blowing dough on diamonds is always a better idea than looking like someone stuck a tampon in your skull, mate.

Chris Kaman's IDGAF

5. Chris Kaman's IDGAF

Lifespan: 2006
Reminds Us Of: Riff Raff

Unbeknownst to his Clipper teammates, Chris Kaman's German/American dual citizenship is merely a ruse. He spends many of his evenings after home games performing odd jobs for a local transvestite recluse and his summers back on his home planet of Transylvania. Where apparently there are no combs.

Sasha Vujacic's Hair Band

4. Sasha Vujacic's Hair Band

Lifespan: 2007-Present
Reminds Us Of: An 8th grade girl's gym class

It was a classic mix-up. Sasha, new to America—specifically California—just wanted to fit in and make some new friends. Particularly the ladies. So when he overheard two middle-aged women discussing their love of "hair bands," there was no turning back.

Scott Pollard's Wide World of Fuckery

3. Scott Pollard's Wide World of Fuckery

Lifespan: 1999-2008
Reminds Us Of: ???!

Let's just move on. Anything else would be encouraging him.

Brad Miller's Braids

2. Brad Miller's Braids

Lifespan: 2007
Reminds Us Of: Rebecca Lobo

White folks, let this serve as a PSA: Braids just aren't for you. Ever.

Michael Olowokandi's Mess

1. Michael Olowokandi's Mess

Lifespan: 2004-2006
Reminds Us Of: His career

This shit is just a mess. Everyone else on this list either tried too hard to hold on or be different, but it's abundantly clear that Olowokandi didn't try to do a damn thing. Of course it looks like plenty of things: compost, that pile we keep forgetting to clean out from under our beds, a bunch of spiders having a meeting on his head (Word to Smokey), but it's only fitting that the Kandi Man's hair reminds us most of his career. Bewildering, disappointing, lacking any semblance of effort or direction and ultimately a waste of a pick that needs to be cut.