Dakota Johnson Is on a Denzel-Level Press Run: Murderous Asparagus, Gorilla Sh*t, OnlyFans, and More

Denzel Washington brought untold joys to an increasingly joy-averse world last year when he extolled the virtues of putting this dress on, these rings, and going crazy.

In a similar vein, Dakota Johnson, no stranger to shrewd press appearances, has been on one hell of a run ahead of the release of Celine Song’s Materialists.

The latest from the director of 2023’s Past Lives, easily one of that year’s finest films, finds the TeaTime Pictures co-founder playing New York City matchmaker Lucy. Johnson is joined in the cast by Pedro Pascal and Chris Evans, and Japanese Breakfast contributed a new original song for the soundtrack.

Below, we take a look at a few highlights from Dakota’s endlessly quotable press tour in support of what may very well go down as one of 2025’s best movies.

Dakota Johnson reveals dream about The 1975’s Matty Healy as a murderer who turns into asparagus

“I actually had a dream the other night. … So Matty Healy from The 1975 was in my dream and he was murdering people,” Johnson said on an episode of Amy Poehler’s Good Hang podcast. “He was himself, he was Matty Healy as himself. When the people were looking for him—they were cops, maybe—he would turn into a piece of asparagus.”

Also in Dakota’s dreams was Angelina Jolie, herself possessing the same improbable ability to transform into a piece of asparagus when the moment called for it. In fact, in the dream, Matty and Angelina were “getting married” and at one point “left in a helicopter together as asparagi.”

Dakota Johnson says she once sent man who broke friend’s heart a gallon of gorilla shit

“I mean, there’s no way that he would watch this, so yes,” Johnson said while hooked up to a lie detector for Vanity Fair. “I did do that ,and it’s been quite a while. It’s been some years.”

Johnson also revealed the website from which she ordered this gallon of fecal matter, noting that they offer “any kind, any size.”

Dakota Johnson reveals Pedro Pascal told her to start a toes-focused OnlyFans

“Pedro Pascal told me that I should have an OnlyFans, that I could just, like, wiggle my toe and make money,” Johnson said in an interview for Elle UK. “Should I do that?”

Dakota Johnson gives hilarious theory on what Bill Murray whispered to Scarlett Johansson in Lost in Translation

Asked in an interview with MTV to theorize about what Bill Murray’s character may have whispered to Scarlett Johansson’s character at the end of Sofia Coppola’s Lost in Translation, Johnson was quick to offer a tongue-in-cheek response.

“He said, ‘You’re a little bitch,’” she joked.

It’s a short moment, but one made even better thanks to MTV’s decision to include an edit of the scene in question with Johnson’s “you’re a little bitch” idea added in.

Dakota Johnson doesn’t hold back when detailing what went wrong with Madame Web

Speaking with the Los Angeles Times, Johnson was candid in breaking down what, exactly, went wrong behind the scenes of the 2024 flop Madame Web. Per Dakota, an artless “made by committee” approach to the filmmaking process ultimately poisoned the final product.

“It started out as something and turned into something else,” she told the Times. “And I was just sort of along for the ride at that point.”

Johnson reiterated this assessment of the industry’s current problems when discussing risk-averse execs on the latest episode of Hot Ones.

Materialists is out June 13 via A24. Don't miss it.